A personal sense of ‘wellbeing’ evolves from an over-all and domain-specific ‘good’ and ‘pleasant’ life, yet often we neglect investing and nurturing it. Needless to delineate and quite obviously imaginable, the costs of such neglect are exorbitant!
Here are some tips to work on that very essence of personal well-being Yes, it is putting aside regular work and time and only practice and repetition will eventually form an effective ‘habit of investing’ in ‘self’ and ‘those and what matters’! Work on the following points taking one at a time and mull over it for at least a week. Move on to the next point and so on. Create your own think-tank and review on the additional points that come to your mind to ensure personal happiness, effectiveness and efficiency in the various aspects of life…..
- List down your needs? Being in denial, minimising and intellectualising about how everything else is important ultimately makes you an unauthentic person!
- List what issues are unresolved and not addressed (talked) about in your significant relationships? Remember even at work you may get a few counselling sessions to get started! And they are confidential! Many prefer to fathom out a way themselves first though and that is fine too!
- List reasons why you avoid confronting these conflicts? Take some deliberated time to analyse how ‘bottling up’ is being helpful or unhelpful? Often I hear people say “What is the point of talking about the ‘issue’ as it will invariably lead to arguments?” and they prefer to keep silent on issues that are problematic!
- Finding other distractions(even the most perfect and legitimate ones like ‘work’ or ‘children’ does not resolve or help with the issue that leads to feelings of detachment and disconnection (unless one is seriously planning to become a recluse!). Have you noticed how some couples who lack intimacy only talk about their kids and at other available times focus either on their work or home responsibilities? Interestingly as a clinician , at work and in personal life, I have observed many engage in intellectual discourses, showcasing one’s depth of knowledge but may fail to make time to convey what is most hurting; or discuss ‘ways out of muddled and murky waters’ (problem solve); further some even deny the magic of a hug and a cuddle! The result? Quite obvious!
Finally, I will end this post emphasising and offering two ideas that may increase one’s sense of personal well-being. In just one word, the ideas are condensed into ‘talk’ and ‘smile’….
- Talking about problems, conveying one’s needs and expectations, setting boundaries, negotiation skills, willing to take risks and trust again renew vigour and hope and in that allows self and others another chance! Also I find I have to alert myself from time to time to intentionally look into the ‘positives’ instead of only focussing on the ‘negatives’!
- Finally make a habit of smiling and controlling aversive and hurtful words and behaviours that come out of your mouth and actions. I think, If transgressions have occurred in any relationships, at home or at work, one must make a habit of admitting compunction. Acknowledge the unhelpful ways of conveying your resentments (humans err, we all do! I certainly do!) and invite the ‘significant other’ person to discuss what makes you angry or sad, and mutually listen and discern what might be better ways of communicating these natural and valid emotions. Given, all problems cannot be ‘fixed’, but even being mutually ‘heard’ can make a lot of difference! And the precious smiles come free..wear it & flaunt it!